Goodnight, Val
- May 3rd, 2010
- Posted in cigfran
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A few years ago – back when things mattered, back when anger had a purpose – I fragmented. A once-friend called me crazy and I took it as license, took the energy and lent the last of my voice to an ongoing war against fraud and insanity, partly by embracing it myself.
Fight fire with fire, eh?
I called her the Gorgon Queen and her name was Val. And a little over a year ago she went silent, as I became quieter, more guarded… and finally, perhaps, better integrated.
So I own her words now, as I knew I must do. The Gorgon Queen is asleep for good, and this is what is left.
Goodnight, Val. I hope that one day I can live up to you.
—
Addendum: In retrospect I now realize that it was Val, not I, who was sane… that she was the keeper of my conscience while I processed a particular struggle. Understanding that, I think I’ll miss her even more, as I feel that in many ways that process was unsuccessful and that she takes with her a great part of my courage and focus.
So often, where our struggle lies is where the most intense part of ourself lies.
I too miss the voices I could assume, the fragments I could pursue, less integrated but more intense, and yes, more true even in their constructions and contradictions.
May you accept the peace of integration, and may you always be bothered by the voices not of truth, but of truths.
Good times